Popular wisdom tells us “no negotiation without concessions.” We would advance like in rugby, by passing the ball in the back. After an initial proposal, it would be appropriate to reach an agreement gradually.
Ideal reasoned negotiation escapes concessions. The objective is to move towards the joint construction of solutions. In the negotiation process, it is therefore necessary to transform a game of gradual progress into a search for mutually acceptable solutions.
So how do you proceed?
The negotiation process must be controlled and concessions are (too) often an important part of it. It is necessary to reconstruct the discourse to show that concessions are only adjustments to a common construction.
How can we make these concessions without taking the risk of giving the impression that our position is weak?
Here are the four fundamental principles of dealerships:
Principle 1: The concession is not addressed to the opposing party but to a joint venture
We agree on the positive, nothing comes out of the negative; we negotiate for a mutually acceptable solution to end a common adventure, often with third parties (the children).
We compromise to achieve a common goal. Normally, the first phase of a negotiation consists of the establishment of a framework and decision-making parameters (see divorce and negotiation 1).
Our offer is presented as the one most able to meet the requirements of the common objective. So we do not concede to the other, but we adjust our offer to make it even more suitable for achieving a common goal - a life after separation that is mutually acceptable to all stakeholders.
All our actions are carried out against the background of the framework put in place.
Principle 2: The starting point will be close enough to the end point to concede only moderately
During negotiations, when solutions emerge, they must always be in the zone of acceptability of the other party.
An essential concept is that of marginal zone of acceptance (See Divorce and Negotiation 2). It is always appropriate to start from a situation that is just acceptable to the adversary. Our first proposals must already be acceptable.
Principle 2: Any concession is preceded by a concession from the opposite party
You don't give anything without anything. To improve our offer, the opposing party must have given in on one of its claims. It is not about finding yourself in the middle of the journey, but about taking a step towards the common solution. Conceding is a way of entering fully into the process of building a joint project.
Any dealership must be of a scale consistent with the dealership in front of it. In the event of a break in scale, it must be considered that there was no reciprocal concession (and generally, this is a situation where principle 2 has not been respected).
Any progress towards an agreement by the opposing party must be formalized. Simple oral validation or by an evasive email is not enough. A formal counterproposal is needed that is - if possible - binding if accepted (the participatory procedure is valuable for this).
Principle 3: Any concession is slow painful
Every negotiation process is based on the exchange of information. Initially, the parties do not know what the other party is ready to accept. There is a lack of information that leads to trial and error.
Every concession is first and foremost a transfer of information. “I'm giving in too quickly” means “I wasn't sure of my initial position.”
Any concession must therefore be slow, painful and difficult. The act of conceding must mean and convey the following information: our first offer was excellent and let's only move forward in the spirit of cooperation that drives us. She must show hesitation and concern.
It must also be justified. I agree because you gave me X and I realize that this would allow Z while guaranteeing V. We don't give for giving, but for a clear and specific reason.
Indeed, any concession is a significant act that conveys information: one negotiates by building a mutually acceptable narration.
